I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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