I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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