instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
