Your dad touched me again.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
