I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
