i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
