I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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