The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
