Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
