What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
