So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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