We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
