i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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