my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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