Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
