who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
