this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
