Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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