Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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