Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
