thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
