im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
