I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
