i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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