Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
