I cockslap morals
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
