ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
