Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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