I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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