I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
