Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
