would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
