She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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