Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
