she was so not down for the gang bang
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
