Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
