I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
