whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
