Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
