we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
