i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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