she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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