I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
