Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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