Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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