GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
