Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
