I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
