What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
