the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize