Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
