If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
