Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
