I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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