Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Everything about him screamed your future.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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