Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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