I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The best revenge is premature balding
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
