none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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