The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
