It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize