Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
