I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
