yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
