I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
