So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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