Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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